BRINGING UP THE REAR

By Ole Smirnoff Bernatelli

OLE, OPRAH, AND GOOD NEWS

This is Ole’s last guest columnist, so I have to be ecological within my words to telling you my many good newses. First, let me teller you about that star of motion pictures and the big screen, Opera Windfreys. She has maked me, Ole, madder than a wet hat. But before that whole story, first there is being good news that I cannot be waitering to be sharing.

LONG LOST
There were many of an excitements recently in NGS NewsMagazines land. An e-mails letter came to Editor Sharon Carnacks, the kind of breakin that we all hope for in our genealogicals. It was of a totally surprise to me, since I did not write the letter like peoples suspected. Mizz Carnacks forwarded the letter to me, Ole, saying that she thought this lady was my identical twin sister separated-at-birth.

Dear Ed I. Tor,

Seeing you are wanting to know if any people ever think about your magazine I am here to tell you so. I am liking it very much. Have gotten many times before. Learn lots from all words but only read what Ole rites. Very nice to understand. See I two am from old country and I to immigrated to US of A on ship. I think we were on same ship but mine didn’t sink and didn’t sail from Liverpool and wasn’t crowded but everyone sang so it might have been him I heard singing. I went to Alice Island and still have nice dreams of it and people there when I drink the hard water from old country made by Ole’s family the Smirnoff’s.

Ole’s story touched my heart. Made water come from my eyes for days but not very long. He had such long time getting to America. I am liking he didn’t stop trying. I would like to know your Ole better since we now have met. I think we have lots of things we like the same. I travel lot of places. Relatives all want me to stay somewhere else so everyone will know me two.

I will be in Nashville for big meeting next year of NGS. I would like to go to grand old opera with him. Maybe they do opera from old country just for him since he is so wide and known. I will ask them please for Ole. So I will wait for him outside of that place in the month after May and before July in the next year. So please if you can tell him, him will be happy. He can tell me three of his three stories before we go to opera OK?

Dorella Inez Martinini


Well, can you be imagining my excitements all the way from my toes to my gizzard? You can be placing your bets, please, that I never knew that I had an identical twin sisters much less one separated-at-birth, but you can be seeing how many commons we were having. And wait, there is even more good news, because you will never be guessing what Ole had in his steamer trunk that I brought from the old country. See! I told you that you would never be guessing it. It is an old photographs and now Ole is finally putting two and three together and realizings who is in the picture, Ole and his sister.

One thing of obviousness not in common which I had logicalled was that even though we are identical twins and had to be separated at birth (which you can be seeing why from the picture) we had different fathers because Dorella is being a Martinini and not a Bernatelli like Ole. (That is my genealogicals training at work. And then too, my father was kidnaped when he was six years old and never heard from again, so he couldn’t be her father anyways.)

Ole and his Identical Twin Sister Dorella just before they were separated at birth.
So Ole was decided to writer a message back to Dorella, since it was seeming like the right thing to do, because she was my identical twin sister and all.

Dear Dorella Inez Martinini,

I am hoping that you won't be minding the informalities of Ole calling you Dorella Inez Martinini, but I am feeling like we have already been knowing each other's names for a long time. Mizz. Carnacks was forwarding your message to me, and was tinking that you were my longly-lost-from being-separated-at-birth identicals twin sister by a different father. I am thinking so too, you can be placing your bets please. Even though Mama never told me I had an identicals-separated-at-birth twin, I was always having my suspicious of that because of the scar that runs from the top of my head down to below my hip on the left side. And I was always saying to myselves, "Ole, if that scar is from where your identical twin was separated from you at birth, I am placing my bets please that your identical twin was named Dorella Inez Martinini." So these are pretty good clues, although probablys not enough for the BCGs.

And another things that is just of too much to be any more coincidentals, I also will be in Nashvilles the year after this ones at the same time as the big NSGs annually conferenced. In facts, that is why I am going to Nashvilles, that and to be doing researches on my Italian branch. And I was hoping to be going to the Opera too, while I was there. Did you know that it was named after somebody with the same name as me, the Grand Ole Opera? So we can be meeting outside the operas house that day, OK?

Ole

So now we are looking like Ole and Dorella will to be having their first familys reunions in Nashvilles at NSGs Conferences of a State in 2005, and all’s well that ends.

FINAL ADVICES FROM OLE

I wanted to end my last NSG guest columns with something like what Opera Windfreys writers about what she knows for sure on the last page of her magerzine “O.” What does Ole knows for sure? There’s not much, so it wouldn’t take long to writer it. But that’s because I’m a genealogicals. We don’t say we KNOW things, or jump to conclusionings without all the facts and analyzings, except if it’s gossips or rumors about other genealogicals. Then many of us are willing to just accept it without asking for the other side of the story. Oh you betcha, aren’t peoples funny?

But I do know this much for sure. Opera Windfreys makes me so mad I could spit on my tacks. You know why? It’s because of her magerzine, “O.” Because you are seeing, Ole was tinking of starting a magerzine of my own, now that I have writered for the NSG NewsMagazines and learned my magerzine writering craft much betterly. But that Opera already tookened the perfect title for Ole’s magerzine. Which brings me to the next thing I know for sure. Do it now, don’t wait to write about your genealogicals, or somebody like Opera Windfreys will come along first and steal the good titles.

But Ole is going to have the last laughter. I am starting a magazine called “0!" (with a zero, not a Oh) so to quotation William Shakesphere, all that has a happy ending ends well.

Ole

Ole Smirnoff Bernatelli can be reached at <olesgenealogicals@juno.com.> America’s oldest living genealogist and an independent researcher specializing in Latvian royal blood lines, Ole is also the founder of the Italian-Russian-Swedish Peoples Genealogical
Ole on a good day in 1916

Association. This is Ole’s final column for NGS, and he wished to convey his thankfulnesses to editor Sharon DeBartolo Carmack for finding his sister and for helping him making his writering so much better than it used to was have been before.

He also thanks former NGS President Ann Carter Fleming for her unwavering beliefs regarding the value of humor on these pages. Ole’s antics should be blamed on his cousin, Jim Warren, who, appropriately, founded America’s newest hereditary society, the Descendants of Wayward Ancestors. He can be reached at <waywardancestors@juno.com>. As they depart, they both wish their fellow genealogicals happy endings.